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☗ December’s Dark Door ☗



December was Dark for my husband and I, and it’s not over yet. I nearly met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates, the doorway into Heaven. It has been a rough month. Although technically this should begin in 1967 while I was a 3 month fetus floating in a sac of water, I will start in January 2013. The start of the new year in 2013 Rick and I became Vegans. I had been a Vegetarian before, starting at age 15, then on and off for several years. However moving into the Vegan area changed me. I was not the same person. Veganism is like being a Vegetarian except you have no animal products whatsoever. No milk, cheese, butter, ice cream, yogurt, eggs, nothing that came from an animal or fish. If it once had a face we did not go near it. It was a very strict diet that basically kept us in a tiny area at our Kroger and eating out was very difficult so we rarely did. The only restaurants we visited were Vegan/Vegetarian and we were draconian about it. Any dish that had even a small amount of real milk or eggs were avoided.

Although this journey began to becoming healthier, as time went on and the pounds dropped quickly, we (especially myself) became weirder. Years passed, clothes were bought in the next size smaller and before I knew it I was preaching about the life of the animals that were slaughtered for food. Typical for Vegetarians, Vegans, Raw Foodists, Fruitarians and the like, the longer we were Vegans the stranger we became, the only thing is we didn’t see it, myself especially. Others were the abnormal ones, not us! We thought everyone else were the odd balls, eating an animal – you brutal beast! Arguments ensued with friends or shall I say our meat eating friends. The majority of my California friends and Entertainment Industry people were Vegans themselves, they seemed like the normal ones, everyone else we secretively shook our heads at. We became (I was the worst) Food Snobs.

I read every Vegan article, books and watched Vegan and Raw Foodists video’s. I turned into a serious food label reader, still am but now for other reasons. I remember being shocked when the word “gelatin” popped up from the ingredients list and in a rage placed the food product back on it’s shelf usually making some comment about it in fierce anger. At first I would say, “Eww, there is gelatin in that!” but before long it came out as, “Oh No! How ghastly! There are dead animals in this! They could have used something else, shame on them!” The voyage to the grocery store was something I dreaded. I felt alien traveling the store filled with mostly animal products or animal by products.

About a year into being Vegan I noticed my face which once had a few dots of freckles had disappeared, another year passed and the birthmark on my left arm that had been there all my life was gone. A small dime sized brown circle, it had vanished. I saw my already fair skin turn from a frosted ivory to alabaster. I thought, well that is nice, I am a real Southern Belle now. Fiddle-Dee-Dee! I was ashen because I was becoming bloodless but unfortunately I did not see it that way. People say Vegans are eccentric, it’s true. The longer I was one the more peculiar I became. Unfortunately it took nearly five years to embrace the fact that I was atypical.

In 2016 major changes started happening, one after another. I was sleeping longer, something that is not like me. I could sleep in a single stretch 17 to 18 hours. If home and not on the road my husband would leave for work only to return and find me still sleeping. He would say, “Sheri have you been in bed all day?” or “Have you eaten anything?” I was puzzled by his questions. I had a laborious time waking up and understanding what he was saying. Things did not make sense.

I felt as if I were in a bubble, but thought nothing of it. My answers were often, “I work hard, I just got back from California or Colorado, give me a break!” His challenging questions were bothersome to me and not long after he observed my remarkably pale skin, notably if I were not wearing cosmetics. “Sheri you need more Iron, I think there is something wrong, you are colorless!” I would remind him we ate healthy and often raw or slightly sautéed spinach and that it is packed with Iron. He could not argue with that, but he did not know that most mornings Iced Sweet Tea with Stevia (not sugar) was my breakfast, a cup of unsweetened applesauce was lunch and then dinner which was often a Soy Product, Vegetables and some type of grain to top it off, usually rice or quinoa. I was sickly and had no clue about it. I was not getting enough calories and especially not enough iron. Then the bomb dropped in 2016.

In June 2016 technically to now, I have been on a period, a continuous period. I have been bleeding for a year and a half and counting. This got my attention and I searched the internet like a good Web Doctor and saw that I being 48 probably meant I was going through menopause. I had already had some night sweats, not many but a few so I thought this was normal. It got worse. Heavier periods. I would stop bleeding for a day or two and it would come back.

One night (this happened three times, twice in 2016 and once (so far) in 2017. I was bleeding and clotting so massively I went through a package of overnight pads in a matter of 4 hours. These had 20 in them and it’s a good thing I buy in bulk because I had to open many packages. Then it would stop only to come back in a day or two. On these three extra vigorous nights I had no choice but to sit in my bathtub, it was more comfortable than the toilet. Blood was literally spraying out of me like a garden hose, turning the bathwater from clear to pink to red to finally so dark maroon that we could not see the bottom of the tub. That was disturbing.

While soaking in this mess, changing out the water repeatedly, we could see it was not just blood coming from me but I was passing enormous clots that resembled and shaped like raw liver. They were mostly sheets of thick condensed blood rather than a round ball. It was disgusting. Strangely enough there was no pain. It felt like giving live birth but it was not at all painful anywhere on my body. Sure I thought of cancer but that would hurt, right?

I passed it off as perimenopause. I had never had this happen before so it made sense to me when reading about it. The internet called this condition Menorrhagia. Truth is, I was bleeding to death and that led to the anemia. Rick sat next to me on a chair two of these nights in 2016, fetching more ice that I could not get enough of (symptom of low iron.) His voice was soothing and I was dizzy, and kept chugging iced water by the gallon. At Rick’s request I drank some apple juice, it perked me up and after about 2 hours I had stopped flooding enough I was able to leave the tub. It looked like a Crime Scene!

After those first two experiences in 2016 (the 3rd was in 2017) I bought the new ULTRA Tampax (more absorbent than Super Plus+) and thicker pads along with ladies “pull ups” that I felt ridiculous wearing. I refused to wear the pull ups outside or on a job, and turned down scads of money because of the Menorrhagia. A woman should not wear a tampon to bed, especially should she be sleeping more than 8+ hours. In this case an adult pull up and pad are needed. I was bleeding through an Ultra tampon in 15 to 20 minutes. It was wear all this new feminine gear or bleed through everything and onto the bed.

I wore the pull ups twice. The first night wasn’t needed after all and I nearly talked myself out of wearing one the 2nd night. Fortunately I did not listen to myself because the 2nd night I was glad I had the pull up on. I flooded through the pad and the pull up saved the mattress and my sanity. Even then, I did not put the blame on Veganism and in truth this is only part of the problem. Being a Vegan did not cause the Menorrhagia but it certainly did not help.

At this writing, late December 2017 with Christmas etching closer I am still bleeding. It is not like what I described above and I am not having to wear those much hated pull ups. No more raw liver falling out of me, more like strands of coral colored discharge. What does it feel like to be on your period for a year and six months? Oh, it’s not fun. You should see my water bill! I am one of those people who like to stay scrupulously clean. I even buy baby wipes in bulk! I’ll gladly trade the coral strands for what I was passing before, still I have not stopped bleeding (in various colors) since June 2016.

What is it with me and the month of June? In June 2017, a year after all this began I got breathless and my heart would beat extremely fast. It came out of no where. Walking 4 feet would make my heart beat so hard that I could actually hear it in my ears. Turning over onto another side in bed did the same thing. Was I dying? I knew something was terribly wrong but I held onto denial saying to myself this would soon go away when perimenopause was finished.

I read up more and saw that Kiwi Fruit had loads of potassium (thinking this was why I was barely able to breathe and my heart racing) so we bought dozens and for about 2 weeks I ate around 4-5 a day. Where did that get me? A rash! I broke out all over my arms and then chest and abdomen. It itched so bad it was Ungodly! I spoke to a friend who said “name me all the foods you have been eating” – when I got to Kiwi she said “STOP! That’s it! Many people are allergic to Kiwi Fruit!”

I looked it up on the internet and sure enough she was right. Within 3 days the itching stopped and in a week the rash was completely gone. Though the kiwi stopped my breathlessness and heart beating like mad it gave me a terrible rash. I had to stop eating them and sure enough the breathing issue and heart beating crazy came back. What am I going to do now I wondered? Going to the doctor was not in my mind. Rick wanted me to but I refused and I can be very stubborn. Then something else tapped me on the shoulder and said wake up, there is something very wrong here. It lead me to stop being a Vegan.

In the latter part of June 2017 I nearly fainted at a Cracker Barrel. We got out of our car and I started reaching for Rick in the parking lot. I was spinning. I couldn’t hear right. My vision was going in and out. All I could mutter was, “I’m going down babe!” I wasn’t making a lot of sense, he didn’t understand what I was trying to communicate with him but he figured it out. He looked over at me, seeing a ghost, grabbed hold and ushered me to one of the church benches they have out front. My eyesight was going in and out the entire time. I started to feel better once seated on the bench but I was breathing hard, panting and sweating. The heartbeat sound was once again ringing in my ears. I had to give up. With tears in my eyes I looked over at Rick and said, “Babe, I don’t think I can be a Vegan anymore” his reply was quick, “GOOD!”

I barely remember the meal at Cracker Barrel though I know I enjoyed it very much. We both ate meat but I couldn’t tell you what I had. I, who am known to be blessed (or cursed) with such a great memory have forgotten. I should have checked into the Emergency Room but remember what I said about being stubborn. I felt guilt over the animal that I ate and a failure for not continuing to be Vegan. I stumbled on the way out, I was dizzy, but felt better. Still, I was very sick and people probably thought I was a drinker, walking like that. I called out to Rick who took my hand and steadied me out the door. The only drink I had was sweet tea, there was no alcohol was in my system – just Anemia and I did not know it, I never would have guessed. And it just occurred to me, I had steak and eggs. The steak was already cut up and I enjoyed every bite. Because of the anemia I am still out of it. My mind is not working at it’s 145 I.Q. potential. Hopefully that will soon change. But I have a lot more to share with you. This is far from over.

Life moved on to October 2017 but the breathlessness and heartbeat continued to worsen. I couldn’t stand up for a second without it starting. Then came the knots. What are those? I awakened one morning barely able to walk. My right leg was on fire with pain. What the heck was this? I felt my leg and had the wind knocked out of me feeling three sore knots inside my skin. – CANCER! beep – beep – beep! – CANCER! That is all I could think. I waited until the next day before I told my husband. He again demanded I see the Doctor, I would not comply. I had to be a pain in the ass.

I looked this oddity up on the internet the next morning, noticing that these “knots” under my skin on my calves were not only sore but felt as if they had fever in them. What the heck? I researched the internet and came up with DVT – MILK LEG – PHLEBITIS – LEUKEMIA. Hoping it was not the last ailment I started taking 3 Bayer Aspirin several times a day to “thin” my blood. Within 24 hours I was bleeding again, close to what I was in 2016. Bayer is a blood thinner alright. My period came back with force while on the aspirin but it did nothing for these “knots”. DVT, also known as Deep Vein Thrombosis has 300,000 in the USA hospitalized each year. Of them, 60,000 to 100,000 die. It does not get very much attention but that many people die every year from it.

Each day I noticed there were more knots and every morning they had moved on my leg somewhere else. Eventually they disappeared within 2 weeks or so only to hop on over to my left leg where they gave me a good working over. It was horribly painful. The left leg took it harder. I developed more of these knots, the same fever in them, the pain and when they moved upon awakening I saw red and blue streaks large as one’s width of their finger, painting my left leg wherever the knots had been before. This was not varicose veins, you didn’t see a vein, you saw streaks about 3 to 5 inches long and at the end of them the knots would be in their new place, only to move again the next day.

On December 3rd I was in so much pain that I had to lay in bed. Not sleeping but I wanted to be near the bathroom. Walking from the living room to my bathroom was torture, not to mention the breathing and heart beating was stronger than ever. I also noticed I had developed these knots in the middle of my chest in a long streak. No fever there but pain. Had the knots traveled to my chest? Yes, probably and it is a miracle I am here to tell you that. I sat up in bed and saw that on my right leg, though there were no longer knots there, a small black streak appeared. My head screamed, “YOU HAVE LEUKEMIA!” When Rick got home that night I showed him the black mark and while hysterically sobbing I agreed to go to the doctor. That was a very hard decision for me to make.

The MD wanted to see me immediately and on December 4th I went. He said these knots were called Phlebitis and because of my work in the Entertainment Industry and all the car and airplane trips they were to blame and it is common. Another bit of information I had no idea about. I never heard anyone else complaining. The MD was concerned that the clots “knots” would travel into my Heart leading to a Heart Attack, if they went to my Brain it would lead to a Stroke, and GOD FORBID if they were in my Lungs, I would have a Pulmonary Embolism and death was sure to follow. The ultrasound on my legs confirmed it. I did have Phlebitis and was ordered to 2 weeks of bed or couch rest (I chose the couch). Though I do not know why he didn’t prescribe me a blood thinner. I am guessing that is because I was so washed-out looking.

Because I knew 2 weeks on the couch was going to drive me nutty I begged Rick to take me to Barnes and Noble for some Non-Fiction books. He parked the car and I went in. I expected to be where the Non-Fiction area was by the time he got inside. I couldn’t have been more wrong. About 15-20 feet into the store I had to grab a table. I was about to faint. I could barely hear anything, everything was muffled. Rick came in and wanted me to go back to the car, I kept on moving with his arm around me to Non-Fiction where I quickly grabbed $200 worth of books. Rick paid and I slowly, ever so slowly, walked outside. It took forever it seemed. I managed to get outdoors and sat upon a bench. The cold air made me feel better. I caught my breath and the heart beat slowed down.

For the next two weeks I lay on the couch with my left leg up. I read, I wrote in my laptop, and watched television. It was agony for me. But it worked. The Phlebitis went away (and I hope it stays gone for good) but the doctor wanted me to have a physical after the 2 weeks were up.

December 12th I went back to see him. Three Tubes of Blood were drawn, Chest X-ray, EKG. He said my legs looked good, lungs and heart top notch but said I was very pale. I didn’t know what to say, I did not want to tell him about the bleeding. I was forced into it when I gave a urine sample. He said there were white blood cells and blood in my urine. He thought I had an infection, but that is not what I was thinking. Again the word – LEUKEMIA! – flashed before me. We were told the results would be in from the CBC (Complete Blood Count) in two days. That is not exactly what happened however. The results came in the next day, not even 24 hours after the CBC. It wasn’t good.

I awakened on the 13th of December and noticed that Rick had let me sleep in. There was an odd feeling. Why did I not hear him get up? Why was the bedroom door nearly shut? An esoteric ambience seemed to smother the room, though it was far from cold in the house. There was an eerie awareness that brought me to my feet and into the kitchen where I quickly poured myself a glass of Sweet Tea with Stevia. My plan was to find Rick. Where was he?

I took a step back from the freezer and there he was. Rick was gazing at me with a stare that made me speculate something was off course. His face was filled with anxiety. He spoke softly but methodically, “Your Doctor called and there is something not right with your blood test, you have an appointment to see him in 2 hours.” My rebound was “WHAT?” and “What did he say?” and “Why do I have to go today, in 2 hours?” His reply, in a sad somber tone was, “Your Iron is very low, dangerously low, you have to go today.” I argued, “But I have been eating meat for months now!” His comeback was mellow though I could see he was scared, “Sheri you are going to the doctor in 2 hours, please get ready now, we have to leave in an hour and a half.” Though he meant well, the way he spoke, I had never heard him like that before. His voice was trembling.

I fell apart. I had to call Lisa. I walked into the living room, picked up the telephone and called my Best Female Friend (who warned me about the Kiwi) – her name is Lisa Marie though I often call her Lisabug. We’ve been friends for 35 years, she introduced me to my husband while we were all in high school. I told her what was going on and immediately she had me place the phone on speaker as she began to pray out loud with Rick and I holding hands. The Holy Spirit could be felt with each word she spoke. Tears were pouring down my face, I was certain the MD was going to tell me I had Leukemia or some other type of cancer.

I got off the telephone, took a bath and got dressed. I was very aware that it was the 13th of the month. I know the curse of that number and I do not like it. Terror was racing through my body. It did not help any that on the way traffic stopped and a very large Funeral Procession passed us all as each car stopped. I gasped at the sight, and on the 13th. I pleaded, “See Rick? I told you! I can’t go today, it is going to be bad, this is a warning!”

He didn’t turn around, I wasn’t getting my way this time. Rick headed straight for the doctors office. Shaking, all I could think was that we were told the blood test would take 2 days for the lab results, but they got it back in less than 24 hours. I was extremely apprehensive. My husband looked very distressed. He knew something, I could tell, even accusing him before we left our home. His poker face did not serve him well. He was indeed keeping something from me.

The MD said I was bleeding somewhere in my body, he just did not know exactly where. The blood test ruled out Leukemia (whew!) But there are many other cancers. Rick was in the examining room with me, he never left my side. What a gem. Not many men would do that for their wives. I assumed the MD was going to do a Pap, he said he was, but he decided not to at the last minute. I still do not know why. He only did a quick swab to see if I was bleeding. Of course I was, lightly, the swab detected its coral color. The doctor said, “Sheri you are bleeding from your uterus. How long has this been going on?” When I told him a year and a half he and the nurse looked at each other as if to say, “Is she serious?” He then told me that my CBC was so low I had to go to hospital for a blood transfusion. Diagnosed with Severe Anemia and taking iron pills alone and eating meat and other high iron foods would not suffice. I was in trouble health wise and he said if I did not go to the hospital right then I would have only days to live. I was not willing to take that gamble, I gave in and said I would agree to the transfusion.

Anemia is a low level of red blood cells. These carry oxygen to your body. Everyone needs iron to make hemoglobin. This is a substance that carries the oxygen in the red blood cells. Since I was so low on iron this is why I was having trouble breathing and pure exhaustion that would not go away no matter how long I slept. I also found out that taking the aspirin was one of the worst possible things I could have taken. Even though I did so for another reason, thinking it was a good idea from the internet, it was actually making the Anemia worse. Technically, I was dying and it will take another 3 to 6 months to be cured from the anemia. Though the phlebitis was gone, nothing was said about it. The anemia took first place and I was forced into having a blood transfusion.


(Mine = 5.5) – (Normal 4.8 to 11.0)

RED BLOOD CELL COUNT (Mine 3.34) – (Normal 4.8 to 5.5)

HEMOGLOBIN (Mine 6.1) – (Normal 12.0 to 16.8) – This reading was alarming to the MD and why I had to have the blood transfusion immediately. My Hemoglobin was critically low

HEMATOCRIT (Mine 23.7) – (Normal 36 to 48%) – Volume of Red Blood Cells vs TOTAL Blood Volume

MCV (Mine 71.8) – (Normal 78 to 102) – These are another type of Red Blood Cells

MCH (Mine 18.3) – (Normal 25-35) – Refers to the amount of Hemoglobin in Red Blood Cells

MCHC (Mine 25.7%) – (Normal 30-38%) – Hemoglobin Concentration

NEUTROPHILS (Mine 73.3%) – (Normal 40-70%) – These are another type of White Blood Cells

LYMPHOCYTES (Mine 19.9%) – (Normal 20-48%) – Another type of White Blood Cells

MONOCYTES (Mine 6.4%) – (Normal 3-14%) – Another type of White Blood Cells

EOSINOPHILS (Mine 0.0) – (Normal 1-7%) – Another type of White Blood Cells

BASOPHILS (Mine 0.4%) – (Normal 0-3%) – Another type of White Blood Cells

ABS NEUTROPHILS – (Mine 4.0) – (Normal 1.8 to 7.00) – White Blood Cell that Fights Infection

ABS LYMPHOCYTES – (Mine 1.1) – (Normal is 1.0 to 4.0) – People with low numbers are usually going through Chemotherapy or powerful anti-immune-system medicines – “I’M NOT!” – This result put sparks of fear into me and this is why: other reasons for low numbers are: Autoimmune Diseases, Lupus, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Lymphoma, other Cancers, and primary diseases of the immune system, such as Aplastic Anemia.

ABS MONOCYTES – (Mine 0.4) – (Normal 0.1 to 1.1) – A low number of Monocytes can be caused by anything that decreases the overall White Blood Cell Count. (“I DON’T, THAT I KNOW OF)” but people who have lower numbers have a Bloodstream Infection, Going through Chemotherapy, or have a Bone Marrow Disorder.

ABS BASOPHILS – (Mine 0.0) – (Normal 0.0 to 3) – Play a role in allergic reactions (the Kiwi?) Asthma, and Fighting Parasite Pathogens.

ABS EOSINOPHILIS – (Mine 0.0) – They labled me as low, I’ll say! – (Normal is 0.05 to 0.50) – This may be a link to the reaction I had with the Kiwi – I have eaten Kiwi for decades and never had a reaction until this year, and what a reaction it was. Lisa suggested Aveeno Oatmeal Body Wash, Benadryl Itch Cream and the pink Benadryl Pills – everything worked like a charm! Eosinophils become active when you have certain allergic diseases, infections and other medical conditions. Eosinophils indicate an autoimmune disease. Aplastic Anemia is also called Bone Marrow Aplasia. Treatments include Blood Transfusions and Stem-Cell Transplants. For this you will have to see a Hematologist on a regular basis.


TRIGLYCERIDES (Mine 81) – (High would be 150+)

CHOLESTEROL – (Mine 117) – (High would be anything over 200)

HDL CHOLESTEROL (Mine 33) – (High would be anything over 40)
I was labeled as “low” – ah! – OUCH!
I’ve been Vegan Shamed!

LDL CHOLESTEROL – (Mine 68) – (Optimal would be 100) – (Above Optimal would be 160 and above)

NON-HDL CHOLESTEROL – (Mine 84) – (Optimal would be 130) – (Above Optimal would be 160 and above)

Folks struggling with high cholesterol. Try being VEGAN for a week or two. Careful now, don’t go crazy. Look what happened to me. I’ve been consuming meat and iron pills for nearly 7 months now, and my cholesterol is still considered TOO low. I didn’t know that was a bad thing.

With numbers like these, not everything came back as low or bad. This result, I can deal with and I pray it stays that way.
Additionally viewing Cholesterol and Triglycerides levels are a better indicator of Cardiovascular Health.

IRON – (Mine 12) – (Normal) 37-145 – Dayum, I FAILED this Test – In a BIG Way!

Total Iron Binding – (Mine) 511 – (Average is 250-400) – Hey! – Something I am HIGH at! – Don’t start clapping the higher the number indicates Iron Deficiency. (sigh)

VITAMIN D – (Mine 9 ) – (Insufficient 28 and lower) – DRATS! – ARE YOU KIDDING ME? – NUMBER 9 – NUMBER 9 – NUMBER 9 – I’m going to have to buy and drink Organic Milk. – The ice cream, yogurt and real butter apparently did not work! – (Suboptimal 28-29) – (Optimal 30-100)

I’ve got a long road ahead of me.

December 13th-14th I was in the Hospital. For some odd reason they gave me another EKG even though I had one the day before. I had the Blood Transfusion, Many Tests, a MONSTER IV, Cat Scan with Contrast Dye, and more 5 tubes blood. No PAP again from any MD. I am guessing the Specialist will do so at the end of this month. The Hospital Cat Scan said I had Uterine Fibroids in addition to the Anemia and it was left at that. Soon after this information I was released from Hospital in the early evening as the sun was beginning to set.

I was referred to a Specialist who then backed out on the 19th. Hmmm, scared of me eh? I was then referred to another Specialist who called me two days later, not bad on the timing and it suits me just fine. I didn’t like the first Specialists looks, her Internet Score or where her office was located. The second Specialist looks more friendly and has a MUCH higher Internet Score. I’ll find out soon enough.

The only negative reactions I have had since the transfusion were a few Headaches I treated myself with Naproxen Sodium (Aleve) and I’m slow in thought. It’s like my body knows this is not my blood and it is fighting it. Despite this long article, I am rather daft at the moment. I hope that’s clears soon.

I am not looking forward to seeing the Specialist. I am fearful of what she is going to say or . . . find. There is a specific reason behind my uneasiness. Allow me to explain.

DES was given until 1971 when they released that this caused the DES Babies (female and male) to develop Cancer, have a greater risk for miscarriages themselves, infertility, reproductive problems
(like Fibroid Tumors) and pass on this curse to their own daughters. DES-exposed daughters are at an increased risk of abnormalities of the reproductive tract, including vaginal epithelial changes
such as vaginal adenosis which means a type of cell normally found in the uterus, columnar cells, are also present in the vagina, and they are not supposed to be. There is an increased cervical
transformation zone, and uterine abnormalities, like a a T-shaped uterus.

I am far from finished here. DES Baby Girls are known for Incompetent Cervixes, Spontaneous Miscarriage, 50.3%, and the number goes up for the 2nd pregnancy, it is a wonder my daughter survived, because of DES she had a 53.3% of dying before birth. She was born from DES a DES Baby (me) and she is a DES Daughter. I didn’t know it until much research but I also have a 16.4% increase in Ectopic Pregnancy, 14.6% for Pre Eclampsia, 26.4% in having a baby that was Stillborn, 8.9% for early Menopause, though that has not happened yet. There is more, Grade 2 or higher Cervical Intraepithelial Neoplasia 5.1%, now that I am over 40, I have a 6.9% risk of Breast Cancer, and the number we have all been waiting for 3.9% of DES Baby Girls with prenatal exposure to DES have an increased risk of Uterine Fibroids (you don’t say!) I HATE YOU DES!

My child is called a DES Daughter and I did not know she could be affected until December of 2017. DES is a destroyer, not a Life Saving hormone. And as predicted, I did have a miscarriage,
Was this because of the DES? A great possibility that it was. It happened in 1987, 20 months after Rick and I married. It broke my heart and I have not gotten over this loss. Every December 3rd
I go into a deep depression for about 24 hours. Having a photographic memory is not easy to endure, I remember everything to the last detail. We named him Ripley Riley and he’s in Heaven waiting
for his Momma and Daddy. I am sorry Ripley if DES took your life from us. You were so wanted. Thirty years later and your Momma still grieves for you.

Though we did not use birth control after our daughter was born I never got pregnant again. Even with her I had to use a basal thermometer for 10 months to track when I was ovulating.
It was not easy to get pregnant and after she was born, I never got pregnant again. From 21 to 49 at this writing, no birth control and yet I never conceived again. The DES Curse was already
lurking in me and now because of a shot given to birthmother, my own child is at risk and then some. A treatment given in 1967 (though I was born in 1968) – this synthetic hormone destroys women
and their reproductive organs. Our son died in 1987 inside of me. Our daughter was born in 1989, hopefully healthy now that we know she is a DES Daughter. How can a shot given in 1967 be any
worry for myself and my children or grandchildren? It just is and it’s called DES or Diethylstilbestrol.

They now know this also attacks boys who their mothers were given DES and they are called DES Sons. DES-exposed males have an increased risk of testicular cancer, low testosterone levels to
the point that they cannot get an erection and have no desire for sex their entire life. Forever impotent because of 1 shot of DES while their mothers carried them. In the 1980’s it was found that many of these boys were intersexed. Some people refer to them as transgendered. Yes, some people WERE born THAT WAY! The word they gave back then was horrid, they called them hermaphrodites.
Born both Male and Female and infertile for life. Terribly Sad. Not to mention people are cruel. Did you know that babies were turned Transgendered because of a shot their mother was given,
even as late as 1971? What about the doctors who didn’t know for awhile? Those who bought in bulk and keep in mind there was no internet then. I would bet there are older DES Babies, they just
do not know it yet. About those born Transgendered, think of that the next time you make fun of someone who is LGBTQ+ – stop judging them. They are struggling with Gender Identity. It did the
same thing to baby girls. Transgendering them from Female to Male, technically both sexes. It must be hard on them. Additionally the baby boys are known to have problems with urogenital abnormalities.
Most of these baby boys have smaller penises, cryptorchidism and hypospadias. My gosh, does it ever end? Does not look like it.

DES has been used for many things. Some women in very early pregnancy asked for the shot because they wanted to miscarry (or abort) their baby. They took the shot. Many babies died
but many babies survived and they have no clue as to all the medical problems they have, it is the DES. Some women when finding out about this shot asked their doctor for it just as a safety net
just in case their babies died (miscarried.) They all had their own reasons, insanity would be one I would think, Korean War, Vietnam War (in hopes to keep their husbands from being drafted), some
took the shot because they feared their husbands were going to leave them for another woman or just wanted out of the marriage, so she took that shot. All the risks were not known yet and I am sure
that would be their argument. Taking DES when knowing your pregnancy is moving along fine is plain ignorance.

This was also given to men years ago to “cure” their homosexuality. Many men ended up taking their own lives because of it. They took the DES but (naturally) were still gay. This made them insane and feeling bad about themselves, in the end they committed suicide.

It was also given as a Chemical Castration to men who are Sex Offenders. I can think of one Violent Sex Offender right away who deserves a good dose of this DES. Shame I cannot give it to him. He did not Rape me with a weapon but he did to another female. Some think he is cured, that it happened a long time ago and he is no longer a threat. WRONG! Why do you think he is on The Tennessee Sex Offenders list from something that happened in late 1983? Use your brains. He is still an Aggravated Rape / Violent Sex Offender, a FELON. What he did was so heinous and vile he will always be there. He has paired up with someone who has been accused by 8 different people (at this writing) of being a pedophile. I suspect, as do others, that number is probably higher. Not everyone wants to admit of being a victim of child sexual abuse or incest. These two are together. The Rapist Felon and the Pedophile. Nice match.

I have already been told this monster kept a female I am related to, at his trailer, beyond her wishes when she wanted to return to her house. This was while they were dating. However, he would not allow her to leave until she sneaked off and either texted or telephoned another relative. This other person threatened the pervert and warned him that he would call the police if he did not let his mother leave. His threat worked and she left.

This female is not very bright and is still with him. I’ve been told they’ve married and that she went searching for him (or any other male) only 3 weeks after her husband was buried after his death from bladder cancer. She went about it in the most disgusting way. Meeting and Greeting strangers on (of all places) Facebook. She and another widow (who is her daughter) began seeing men this way, both of them. Before long they began fighting over the same men, like teenagers. How repulsive! At last the other widow (the daughter) married someone new and moved to a different state.

How could this woman stay with a Violent Rapist, who destroyed an innocent persons life on December 26th, 1983? This was THIRTY FOUR years ago tonight. Where is his victim? Did she survive? Is she weeping from the memories? I feel so bad for a person I never met. I feel nothing but rage towards her attacker. Read again what I said about him refusing to allow a female leave his trailer, keeping a hostage, until her son threatened him. Within a few days they were back together again. Nauseating, she takes him to her church. Why does the Preacher allow this? There are children at that church. What is going through their minds? Do I even want to know?

I say fill him up with DES and toss him in the slammer for life and for the Love of God, examine this woman’s head. She isn’t thinking right. Having a hidden new husband or secret boyfriend knowingly being a VIOLENT SEX OFFENDER, AGGRAVATED RAPE, FELON – with Grandchildren and Great Grandchildren, not to mention Church People around him exposing this appalling creature to children. I shake my head at the stupidity of it all. If there is anything good about DES it would be for the Sex Offenders. They are the only one’s I can see a use for this poisoned chemical hormone, serve it up to them in abundance!

Doctors now believe this does not just go after the first and second generations but also the third. One shot, and it could wipe out many genetic family members. They have now found out the mother who took the shot has her own risk. It does not (at this writing) affect their reproductive organs – only their children, male or female, grandchildren and great grandchildren. But she doesn’t get off free. They have now found that it does cause the original (birthmother) to have an increased risk of Breast Cancer and Breast Cancer Mortality. What will they find out tomorrow? 3 million pregnant women in the USA were prescribed DES from 1941 through 1971 – that is how serious this is.

The U.S. Centers for Disease Control (CDC) has declared DES exposure and noncancerous epididymal cysts for both Males and Females. There is more. DES turned out to be an obesogen which causes weight gain in female mice which had been exposed to DES during neonatal development. Those children you are starving on a 600-800 calorie per day diet may have not been at fault for being obese. Does anyone from the playground feel guilty now? The name calling? The hell you put other children through? You should. Do you see the pattern? They keep finding things as the decades pass.

It was shot into women in USA, Canada, UK, Europe, Australia, and New Zealand and ALL of us have a 40% increase of developing this cancer. That is an outrageous number. What a miserable fake drug to give to pregnant women. Despite the nightmare I do not hold a grudge against birthmother on this particular topic, she did what her doctor suggested. I cannot blame her for the DES and she is at risk herself for breast cancer. Remember, over 3 million women took DES and that is just counting the United States, that does not include all the foreign countries.

If you were alive and eating Beef or Poultry between 1971 and 1979 you have been exposed to DES, no matter if your birthmother took this during pregnancy or not. They gave it to livestock. So us who not only were exposed before birth were fed this for many years, repeatedly being exposed via meat. I was alive during those years, many people were, this is yet another concern that I, my husband, friends and loved ones are praying about. One thing is certain – DES is EVIL!


I was so weak I could barely keep my eyes open. Rarely do I allow people to see me without cosmetics. I am far too vain. Though here I am in all my glory with no make-up. None of these photographs below am I wearing cosmetics. Vanity – My favorite Sin. I was too sick to even try.


Rick wanted me to smile. Give me something to smile about! Smiling took too much energy and I didn’t have any. Keeping my eyes open for this “Photo Shoot” was all I could do and that was most difficult.


Ghostly pale. Lethargic but afraid to sleep, fearful I would not awaken on Earth. I know where I would be going but I wasn’t ready yet. I did not want to leave my precious husband alone in this world. No offense Jesus Christ. I LOVE YOU, but I could not depart from my beloved Rick.


Though the Donor Blood was being put into me, I barely had color in my face. Well, practically anywhere except my red hair. My lips were white with tinges of blue. Nice, real attractive. (eye roll with sarcasm) At this point I had been on the Transfusion for about an hour, even though I look terrible, notice my eyes, they are more open. Slowly but surely . . .


Vampire’s new liquid candy – Life Savers – A+


I know, it is gross, considering this once belonged to someone else. Their Blood and DNA are now in me. I must acknowledge this adult like. There is no other way to examine it. While being “refilled” on other people’s lifeblood I kept wondering, who are they? What are they like? Male? Female? Have they been blessed with Children yet? Military folks? Kids 16 or 17 years old (depending on the State)? There were hundreds of unanswered questions floating through my mind about the donors of this life saving elixir. The contraption pushing it into me and the Donor Bloods saved my life. Whoever the people that donated this to me, – I THANK YOU! – I LOVE YOU! – Your sacrifice kept me alive and brought me back around. For the time being anyway. Those reflecting on being a Blood Donor, if accepted by the American Red Cross, or whoever your Blood Donation Centers are, please do so. No doubts, you are all GENUINE HEROES!


All tubed up and no where to go.


One of my favorite films just happened to be on while there.
“Where the Heart is” starring Natalie Portman and Stockard Channing.
Sometimes it’s hard to don’t wanna look over your shoulder, Cause you don’t want to remember where you’ve been. There’ll come a time you die, If you could only hold her, cause I know that’s where I am. So listen with all your heart, hold it inside forever, you may find all your dreams have already come true. Look inside and find the part that’s leading you, cause that’s the beat of a heart.


Day one in the Hospital. I did not notice it then, though I was not on any medications to knock me for a loop. The anemia alone took me away. I wasn’t all there and it wasn’t just denial. I felt detached from the world. Drifting away. Confused. Exhausted. I see what I did not recognize then – the look my husband Rick has on his face. In nothing flat I observe the alarm he was showing. My dear husband of nearly 32 years was scared for my life. Now I realize just how grim the crisis was.


Day two in the hospital. This board was attached in every room in the hospital. It’s use is to help the Doctors and Nurses with what is going on with a particular patient. In this case – me. Notice the Cross and the verse scripted at the top: “With God and Each Other, Nothing shall be Impossible.” (LUKE 1:37)


Trying to make a Heart with my hands towards my husband. I could barely lift my arms, moving around in the bed was a chore. Drained and Limp would be a good description. Several times Rick had to help me sit up and get to the bathroom. Despite the bed having the ability to sit me up, I couldn’t. When I lifted my body to a full sitting position the room began spinning. Not a fun carnival ride.


Look at that sweet face, is he not beautiful? Bless his heart, he had no trouble making a heart with his hands towards me. Thank you Jesus Christ for this gift. How I Love this Man!


Eyes more open, and look at that, more color in my cheeks and lips. I am looking better, the Donor Blood is saving my life, it’s working!


Almost appears I have light cosmetics on in this shot. I don’t but it looks that way. NO RETOUCHING with Photo Shop or PSP, not in any of these shots, I kept it real. Scroll to the top and look at those first few photographs in comparison to this one. Amazing transformation!
My body is responding well to the treatment.


So tired but I already was feeling better. Before you ask, yes, that is my real hair. I have always kept it long. Someone told me once “A Woman’s hair is her Glory.” Agreeing with him, I kept it long. I have not had my hair cut in ten years. I do not dye my hair because I read that it gives you an extremely high chance of developing bladder cancer. One day I will be a Silver Fox, I refuse to dye it, not to mention, dyeing your hair is bad for your locks. Red heads get the last laugh, we go silver much slower than our darker haired friends. However having hair down past your bottom there is only so much you can do with it. Hair ties are one of my best friends. Lots of pony tails and braids shaped in different ways and a bun if I can muster it. I have loads of soft red hair, but I may be getting a hair cut soon. Trust me, you don’t want real long hair and be in a hospital bed at the same time. Another update if I have my tresses trimmed. I’ll give you the word if I do so.


Transfusion complete! We had to wait a few more hours and they gave me yet another blood test. Five more tubes of blood drawn and that doesn’t include all the others they snatched over the last several days! I wanted to scream, “Hey! I need that, put my A+ Positive Blood back in!” The test said my Iron Levels were closer to normal. No magic wand was waved. It’s not 100% normal. I still have anemia. I will have to fight being Anemic for several months. I predict a lot of needle sticks in the days to come (sigh). They said my body was holding onto the iron and I was going to be discharged. I was ready to leave and get back home to our 2 babies (cats) Mauryman (Maury Joel Graham Hooper) is 14 and Madden Hade Hooper is 7. They needed their Momma and Momma needed them. As you can see Rick was elated! Bless his heart, he is signing me the I LOVE YOU with both hands. Neither of us are deaf but I was taught how to sign in Kindergarten and 1st Grade at a Private, Christian, Baptist School up in Northern Illinois. I later showed Rick how to do a few signs. This one naturally is my favorite.


We are Home! As we were packing up to leave and Rick was taking my bags out to the SUV (I brought a lot of luggage). When he came back to wheel me out he had a lovely red bag with a ribbon and inside was this gorgeous TY Kitty who resembles my favorite cat, Madden Hade. I nearly burst into tears. I had no idea Rick had snuck into the Hospital Gift Shop and bought her for me the night before. He then snuck “Kitty Christmas” into the car.
Yes, I named her Kitty Christmas – shut up!


The next day at home. I couldn’t believe this whopper of a bruise from the transfusion. How many colors? A bunch! It looked like I had a tattoo (Not gonna happen, I am a Baptist, and you know how much I love needles.) Yeah right. No more needles for me, thank you very much! At least not for awhile I pray. The dark shade around my collar bone and neck is a shadow from Rick standing in the light, the bump at the top of my neck is my hair, it all kind of merged together. Keeping it real – no retouching. I did not bruise there. I was still as white as a sheet. Compare the multi colored bruise with the rest of my skin. Does it hurt? Look how swollen my arm is at the bruise sight. Yes it hurts, very much so! Although Elsa from Frozen is my favorite Disney Character, I look more like Snow White. I am one pasty white chick right now. After all the weight I lost while being a VEGAN for nearly 5 years it must be a shock for those who have not seen me in awhile. My arms are so much smaller and one day my collar bone reappeared. I wanted to say, “Well hello there, it’s been a long time, where have you been?” Regardless of this 5 somewhat blissful years of Veganism, we will not be returning to eating like that anymore. I feel sorry for the cows, chickens and fish. Makes one feel guilty. I’ve no choice. It’s my Life or Theirs.
Damn that sounds selfish! (wipes away tear)


I have to take this Iron three times a day. With food. I am not used to eating three times a day. I was dining only once a day (until December) now I eat twice a day but we are trying to get me up to three times a day. Being a VEGAN for this long period of time and eating only when I wanted to, now changing it all from once a day to three is going to be a steep hill to climb. No worries, I will get there. One pill at a time. Or should I say 3 pills at a time?


Ah! Yet another pill. But these I LOVE, I could eat the entire bottle. They contain no gelatin so I have no guilt trips on that. They use Pectin in lieu of the gelatin. No animal products whatsoever. Again, we are not Vegans or even Vegetarians but if I can avoid gelatin, I will. I know how they make it and it makes me sick to my stomach to think about. Fortunately these Gummy Vitamins are gelatin free and I get to chew one twice a day. Friends, they REALLY are delicious. But what is that number? What do they mean WOMENS 50+ (scream) Dayum, I will be 50 in 3 months on the Ides of March! Vitamins for people over 50. Aging, (ugh!) – But they taste so good – Nom, Nom, Nom!

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